I often thought there must be something wrong with me for being drawn to people who wanted to share their pain. Because I really enjoyed their company. I thought, what is wrong with me? Can it be true that I take pleasure in people’s pain?
But when I thought more about it. I realised it was their honesty that I was drawn to. When a person is in real pain, whatever the magnitude of that pain, they are absolutely to the point about how they feel. No fancy words or descriptions or lies. All their energy is being utilised to deal with that pain; hence they don’t have any more left to pretend or put up a happy face. You don’t need a psychologist to tell you that when you are depressed your body also feels fatigued. Its mental as well as physical tiredness.
And in their most vulnerable moments they are absolutely honest about what they feel and think. So it was their honest and genuine company that I was drawn to. They decided to be themselves, rather than trying to please anyone. They spoke their mind. I didn’t really care whether they were right or wrong. In fact the questions of morality never sprung in my mind. May be that is why I never judged them, and probably that is why they felt comfortable talking without any efforts to hide much.
I wasn’t always like that. I was quite morally uptight when I initially left home. But as I met more and more people and read from their experiences, I loosened up a lot. That is not to say I gave up on my morals, but I learned to be more empathetic towards people who might not have the same morals as me.
It is striking when you think of it, just how much energy is required to please people or put up a facade. It is not easy. Maybe that is why as we grow older and have more responsibilities that need our energy we tend to select a few people that we want to please and that number keeps decreasing.
I have come across a lot of people who think that the world is ‘shit’. Their is no love or honesty left. Maybe it is true, maybe not, I don’t know. I have always found genuine people wherever I went. I have found genuine love and care in them for me. I know for a fact that they are honest with me. Of course I can speak only from my own journey, which has been quite pleasant, thanks to the same people and their company; whom I like to call friends, and cherish them with all my heart.